Three months later . . .

 While enjoying birthday dinner with a friend I noted that I’m not sure if I’m still exhausted from my 18 years in the ministry or depressed.  Or, I suppose, it could be both.   I’m kind of feeling a bit guilty that I’ve been retired for a little over 3 months and I’m not doing much of anything, not even the things that I was really looking forward to doing. She pointed out that it took me 18 years or more to get wound up so tight I couldn’t keep going, so it’s likely to take more than three months to unwind.

Duh.  THIS makes sense to me.  One of the first things I learned from one of my earliest 12 Step sponsors was that getting clean didn’t mean that I was going to heal from all the stuff that happened in my life overnight.  “If it took a year to walk into the woods, it will take a year to walk back out again.”   

I wrote every day of my ministry and every day for the 8 years of college and seminary before that. 

I don’t want to write very much just now.

I was surrounded by humans nearly every day of those years.  

I really don’t want to people very much right now.    

I listened to or watched the news for hours every day.

I read scholarly and theological-but-not-necessarily- scholarly articles and books every day.

I carefully followed all the Facebook posts and newsletters from religious leaders and clergy colleagues so I could keep up with all things Church.

I haven’t wanted to do any of that.

It makes sense to me that I’m not done resting yet.  

I have noticed that I’m beginning to take an interest in the world outside my apartment again.  

I started reading one of the books I have stacked up by the couch.  

I watched a news program the other day.  

My friend said she is looking forward to watching me grow into my retirement.

That will take baby steps. 

And naps.